Off the Subject - The Sandy Hook Tragedy

I realize this is a far cry from what is usually on my mind, but if you are patient, I appreciate your willingness to bear with me.

I’ve been pretty much flabbergasted by the Sandy Hook tragedy, and I believe I’ve only said about 3 sentences total on the subject since Friday.  My statements were mostly unintelligible ramblings, and I’ve finally been able to sum up my true feelings.

The thing about it is that I am really not surprised.  Saddened, yes.  Surprised, no. 

I don’t have any inside knowledge about the young man who killed those children, so my lack of surprise isn’t because I “could see this coming” because of some personality flaw I knew about him.  As far as I’m concerned he isn’t much different than the rest of us… he simply expressed his hate in a more visible way.

Think about it…  What kind of rhyme or reason has there been for any of the mass shootings that have taken place?  What common trait did any of the killers have?  I’m sure some of you are listing things, in hind-sight, about the killers.  Perhaps they were introverts, very withdrawn, very cynical, moody, or had “a certain look in their eyes”.  Maybe they had tension with their parents.  I don’t know about you, but I personally know lots of people who fit many or all of those descriptions, but that doesn’t mean I would start typecasting them as killers.  In fact, if I had read that description in a dictionary, I would expect to see a picture of a teenager next to it!  Anyway, these considerations are usually, as I said, in hind-sight.  That means that their typical actions or behaviors weren’t so alarming that they threw up any red flags... otherwise, the tragedy would have been prevented, right? 

I know my opinion is far from popular, and the last thing I want to do is come across as defending what this person did.  I am not defending him at all.  I am only hoping to challenge each and every one of us.

Why would I possibly want to challenge anyone, other than the killer, in a situation like this?  Well, the killer is dead and what’s done is done, and yet I’ve been noticing everyone pointing their fingers and blaming everyone, the dog, and the kitchen sink for what happened.  If the killer is dead, then why are we still trying to find someone to blame?  Did he have any accomplices?  I didn’t hear of any.  Do we know his motive?  Probably not to the full extent, and since he is dead, why would we even spend time trying to read his mind?

Back to my challenge.  I challenge each of us to turn our pointed fingers back on ourselves.  If you are asking yourself why you are to blame for any of this, then you are probably one of the people who will never understand anyway, so you can drop off right now and go back to verbally murdering your Facebook friends as you speak in code about all their transgressions.  If, on the other hand, you are someone who feels a tiny pang of guilt at your own pointed finger aimed at yourself, please read on.

Consider this:  When was the last time you were totally frustrated and fed up with someone because of how they "wronged" you, and you either thought something mean about that person, or you vented to someone about that person? Once it’s out, it’s out, and there’s no taking it back, right?  Do you normally feel better once you let that out?  I don’t feel better when I do that… but I continue doing it anyway.  Why?  Because it’s socially acceptable.  That’s right:  It is socially acceptable to murder someone with your mind or tongue, but not in deed.  We all do it with mind or tongue, but the mass killers do it in deed.

Why do we murder, anyway?  This is my belief:  We murder because we spend most of our time assessing what others are doing wrong, rather than focusing on how we can do things right, to the point that we become so blinded by what we believe others to be doing wrong that we can’t even see our own negative role in an escalated situation.  In our minds we are justified to point out what others are doing wrong, but how does that make sense?  Isn’t it truly counter-productive to spend any time at all worrying about what others are doing wrong, when most of us actually agree that we can’t change people, and that people have to decide for themselves that they are going to change if they ever will?  How many times have you personally said that?  “I can’t change him.”  That’s right, you can’t.  But do know who you can change?  You can change yourself.

We can’t prevent any of these tragedies any more than we can prevent the sun from setting.  The sad truth of the matter is that it will happen, since clearly we haven’t found a successful way to prevent it from happening.  The happy truth of the matter is that there is a lesson to be learned from all sad truths, and that is simply that it’s yet another reminder for us all to look into our own hearts and consider the condition of our own spirits.  Are we going to mentally or verbally murder others, then spend time pointing fingers outward as if we are completely blameless?  Or are we going to spend every waking minute focusing on how we can be better people to our fellow species, and then pulling our spouses and babies in close to our hearts so that they will always know that, no matter what, we love them. 

I truly believe that love is the cure for all things.  Not gun control.  Not counseling.  Not mass-murderer profiling efforts.  If we would spend more time loving each other, then we might not have to worry as much about guns, counseling, or being on high-alert for future school shooters. 

If I’ve oversimplified this situation, I’m not sorry.  For all the feelings I have hurt, I am sorry.  I’m sorry for being the hypocrite that I am, but I promise I am trying.  Sadly, it took something like this for me to truly realize that it’s me who has been wrong all along.

Would you like more Whole Milk?

I've noticed that there have been quite a few hits on my Whole Milk posts.   Listen up, people.  If you would like to read the rest of the story and see how it ends, PLEASE "like" Whole Milk on Facebook.  You can also "friend" me if you have questions.  Get the word out there!  You are the biggest contributor to making this happen!

I will keep you apprised of the latest happenings so that you can know what to expect.

Thank you for your support!

BKB

http://www.facebook.com/#!/betty.knowsbreast

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Whole-Milk/243375679124124

Whole Milk - Introduction

I had actually sat down to write this book several months ago, but the timing was all wrong.  My initial plan was to write a serious how-to book with the intent to show mothers how to protect themselves in a society where breastfeeding still hasn’t been embraced the way it is in most societies.  Along with that intent, I wanted to stick it to the man for being so ignorant and not recognizing the benefits of breastfeeding; for not acknowledging the consequences of not only failing to create an appropriate environment for women who breastfeed and pump, but for essentially pressuring women to quit early or forgo the opportunity altogether by their neglect of the matter.  Looking back, I can now say my initial intentions were fueled by 3 things: 1) the stress caused by my post-partum work environment, 2) post-partum depression, and 3) reading Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games series while I was battling the aforementioned numbers 1 and 2.  It may seem amusing, but this combination of elements had me reeling!

After a lot of self-reflection (and ultimately concluding that such a book would be difficult to write and boring to read), I changed my direction and decided to simply journal my feelings and experiences during the times that I was pumping breast milk.  At the time I was spending a minimum of 75 minutes per day in this position, so I had a lot of time to think about the craziness of it all.  Picture this:  me nestled on the comfy Mother’s Room love seat, or the glider in the nursery at home, my shirt hiked up to my neck, my left hand holding the breast pump guard in place, and my right hand hastily scribbling my internal madness on a worn-out Moleskine notebook.  I’m sure I looked like a lunatic, and there were days when I definitely felt like one.  I often ended the day with two cramped hands and the two voices inside my head arguing about why I shouldn’t just spend my pumping time stalking people on Facebook, rather than developing carpel tunnel by spending so much time doing this ancient activity called writing-by-hand.

So, what is my new intent?  Will it be good enough for people to continue reading this book once they find out what it is?  I’ll let others be the judge.  Women talk… a lot.  But when it comes to the topic of breastfeeding, it seems like many women walk on eggshells, which means that they won’t readily divulge as much information as might be necessary in order to help out a fellow woman who may be struggling with breastfeeding (I don’t, however, believe this to be intentional or malicious.  It’s simply that no one knows where to draw the line with regard to spilling their guts).  So, my new intent is to give people—the expecting mother, the currently breastfeeding mother, the “next time I want to try breastfeeding” mother (be careful when using quotation marks here!), the genuinely interested father-to-be of a potential breastfeeding mother, the genuinely perverted man who will inevitably read this book for no reason other than to read the word “breast” over and over (because these weirdoes do exist)—a real open and honest view of breastfeeding.  WARNING: The content of this book may occasionally be graphic in nature.

Anyone who isn’t already leery about broaching the subject will probably become so. On the other hand, by the end of this book, I believe readers will have the desire to birth 10 children and nurse them all until they are 48 months old.  If my belief does not hold true, I am hoping people will at least have a better understanding of why so many women choose to breastfeed their children, and all that women must endure in order to uphold their conviction that, for them personally, breast is best in mom-eat-mom U.S.A.

So sit back, latch on, and suck this book down!

Woohoo for Yahoo!!!

No recent news has made me happier than reading about Marissa Mayer becoming the new, and PREGNANT, CEO of Yahoo. Ok, that's not true. I was happier when that little 3 year-old Columbian boy was pulled to safety from the sewer he fell into. I literally cried uncontrollably about that.  But besides sewer rescues, I was just thrilled to hear about a pregnant woman becoming CEO of such a large, high-profile corporation.

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/marissa-mayer-yahoo-ceo-pregnant/story?id=16791606
 
I really don't have any expectations about what will happen; I only have hopes. I don't expect that this is going to change maternity-related issues and attitudes in the workplace as a whole, but I hope that it is a start. What am I saying? It is a start!! This is truly a really big deal, and it's about time that a woman's brain and positive contribution looks bigger than her ever-growing belly. I don't believe that being pregnant makes a woman weak. I never felt stronger or healthier than I did when I was pregnant, and the day after I gave birth, I looked down at my legs, amazed at how toned they were-- from carrying all that extra weight.  It seems that once a woman conceives she is viewed as "delicate" until the baby arrives. But pregnant women are freaking workhorses! They train and grow for 9 months in order to labor for sometimes days on end (marathons typically only last a few hours!).  How, exactly, is that considered delicate?
 
All that to say, it's about time someone recognized that there should be no plausible reason why pregnancy should hinder a woman's proven ability to perform her job.
 
Now, let's consider my favorite pregnancy related topic: breast feeding.  If Marissa Mayer decides to breast feed and pump at the office, how will this affect the way pumping at work is viewed? Will she even choose to take on this challenge? Will she be able to stick to a regular pumping schedule? Will she remember to drink the appropriate ratio of coffee and water, AND eat those 500 extra calories each day in order to maintain sufficient milk output? Will the whole thing be a cakewalk for her, and will she make other women seem like sissies about their struggles in finding a proper balance? Or will she struggle, too, and create more awareness about the challenges of being a breast feeding working mother?
 
No matter what happens, this is all a step in the right direction. Marissa Mayer is free, just like the rest of us, to experience this amazing and life-changing time in her own unique way. No one can tell her how she should feel, think, or behave.  The one thing we should all do is watch.  I’ve only been to Vegas once, and I don’t think I spent more than $7 total in the casino (in nickel slots, mind you), but I’m willing to bet that Marissa Mayer will have an interesting impact on the way America sees the working mother. 

Now, I need to get back to work.  I just finished pumping, and it was a disaster.  I didn’t even get an ounce out of my efforts.  It’s hard to focus on having a letdown while I am focusing on writing.  Yes, admittedly I wrote this while I was expressing milk for my precious little boy.  But hey, we are all given the same 24 hours in our day, and I try to milk them for all they are worth. 

Obviously, my question is:  What do you think about Marissa Mayer coming into this position while pregnant?

Signing off.

BKB

Supply and (Personal) Demands

I am only just now realizing how oblivious I have been to how my normal activity affects breastfeeding.  I've been doing a little science experiment for the past 2 days (so extensive, I know) to see how drinking more water will affect my milk output when pumping at work.  Not surprisingly (and yet I am oddly surprised!), I have already pumped more after 2 pumping sessions today than I pumped after 3 yesterday.  I anticipate that the output will level off at some point, but I suspect that it will continue to rise to that point as I continue to drink more water.

I'm not going to say a lot today (pretty much because I am about to pee my pants from drinking so much water, and I want to reward myself for finishing this post today by using the restroom... gosh, that is strange), despite having much on which to reflect.  Breastfeeding is not a no-brainer activity, even though it has become a very normal and regular part of my life over the past 9 1/2 months.  It still takes a lot of thought and consideration in order to reach a breastfeeding goal.  For example, I have been engaged in an internal struggle about supplementing my Flyweight child's breast milk bottle with some formula.  The reason this has been an issue lately is because I'm watching my freezer supply of breast milk dwindle as I struggle to keep up with the demands of a growing child, yet at the rate I'm going, it looks like I could run out of both frozen and fresh milk before he turns a year old.  I am vehemently opposed to this happening!

So... I decided to do something about it.  And that is why I am about to pee my pants... because I am doing the obvious before I resort to taking more extreme measures.

Stay tuned to find out if the data continues to support my theory.  Well, the theory that I borrowed from someone else’s brain, anyway. 

Signing off.

BKB

Snickering at Snookie

I just read an article which was a commentary on a Good Morning America interview with Snookie.  The commentary was based on the admission by Snookie that she is afraid of breastfeeding because she heard that breastfeeding is painful.

http://www.parents.com/blogs/high-chair-times/2012/06/11/high-chair-times/were-you-afraid-to-breastfeed/?socsrc=pmmfb0611124

I was pretty shocked at the response of the blogger for Parents magazine, because it seemed overly judgmental.  Don’t get me wrong—I am not a Snookie fan.  In fact, I’ve only ever seen one episode of Jersey Shore (if it’s not The Real Housewives of the OC or Kardashians, I won’t watch it.  Ha!), but that was enough for me to know I’d seen enough.  The thing I don’t understand is why this blogger thought it was an appropriate transition to go from bashing Snookie, to then validating her fears of breastfeeding.  I had a difficult time following where the article was going because the blogger makes Snookie seem outrageously stupid, but then in her next breath empathizes with her.

No matter who you are or what you’ve done, of course you don’t know what to expect if you haven’t breastfed.  Even if you have breastfed, there can still be many instances of surprise along the way!  Why would Snookie want to even attempt to breastfeed if people are going to make her feel like she’s already made such bad choices in life, that she will inevitably screw up with breastfeeding, too?  Why shouldn’t she be encouraged to try to breastfeed, because it is a possibility that she could be one of the people who has a rather easy and uneventful go of the experience from the beginning?  And who knows?  Perhaps she might even decide that she’s willing to sacrifice more of herself in the process, in order to be a good mother for her baby.

I know there are many perfect people out there.  After all, Jesus went back to Heaven because there were enough perfect people here on Earth that he could wipe his hands and say, “My work here is done,” right?  Sorry about the sarcasm…  That was ugly.  My point is that Snookie deserves a chance, just like anyone else to do something good for her child.  Let’s encourage her, not tear her down before she even gives it a shot.  Perhaps this is the exact reason why breastfeeding often fails in the U.S.A… because we take every opportunity to tell you why you can’t, rather than why you should.

My one question to you is:  Does Snookie’s reputation change the kind of advice you would give her about breastfeeding?

Signing off.

BKB

Proper Breast Support

Although the end date of my breastfeeding goal is still 3 months away (exactly 3 months to the day, as a matter of fact!), I know this time will pass more quickly than I can imagine.  Because of this, I need to start preparing mentally for how I am going to transition my baby and myself into this new realm.  This is a new concept to me:  I will have a child who will no longer view me as his own personal dairy cow. 

I was talking with my best friend last night about why she decided to stop breastfeeding when she did. She told me that it wasn’t actually she who decided, rather the children.  She said they just didn’t seem to need it anymore, so she basically let them wean themselves.  I thought that was really interesting, because in my mind I have been imagining this being a really tough process where I will be consoling my crying child as he is trying to unsnap my bra against my will.  That didn’t sound ideal, but since I am new to this whole motherhood thing I usually have no idea what to expect.

If I achieve the goal I have set for myself, I will actually be a statistic on the opposite side of the actual U.S. statistics for mothers reaching their breastfeeding goals, according to a recent article I read.  As stated in this new study, most mothers don’t reach their goals, despite having said that they intended to exclusively breastfeed for X months.

http://m.cbsnews.com/fullstory.rbml?catid=57447515&feed_id=5&videofeed=41

What stood out to me in this article is the fact that regardless of whether it was one month or 24 months, most mothers didn’t reach the breastfeeding goal.   Furthermore, most mothers actually said that their goal was to exclusively breastfeed, yet many of them didn’t even make it out of the hospital before they gave up.

This article brings me back to the concept that in order for women to have success breastfeeding (regardless of the length of time they plan to do so), they need to have support from all aspects of the community.  If many women don’t leave the hospital still breastfeeding, that tells me that the support needs to be heavily focused during those first few days of the baby’s life.  When I had my child, my nurses knew that I planned to breastfeed, and let me tell you—they were on me like a fly on a turd!  That was a totally gross word picture.  Anyway, my nurses saw to it that I took every opportunity possible to foster good breastfeeding habits as long as I was in their care. 

Not only did the nurses encourage me, but my husband did as well.  Despite my mother not having breastfed me, she also encouraged me, and was even fascinated with the whole concept, which made me in turn more enthusiastic about it.  I have friends who were more than willing to answer any of my off-the-wall questions regarding breastfeeding, since they had plenty of experience. 

Now, when I imagine what my experience would have been had I not had the amazing support system those first few weeks of my child’s life, I feel really sad.  It makes me sad because I know that it is reality for many American women.  In this fast-food nation we live in, it probably just seems more convenient to go the formula route, rather than taking the time to properly train mother, baby, and everyone else in their lives to be a supportive part of breastfeeding. 

So my question is:  Did you feel that you had sufficient support to learn to breastfeed while you were in the hospital, and then to continue thereafter?  If not, what do you believe could have changed your experience in a positive way?

Signing off.

BKB

Old Enough to Know Better, Still Too Young to Care

A dear friend of mine sent me a link to Pinterest which shows some basic trends regarding breastfeeding in the United States versus 79 countries surveyed from the rest of the world. 

http://pinterest.com/pin/14918242486104075/  

The thing that caught my attention is the variance between the U.S. and the rest of the world.  Although many U.S. citizens claim to support breastfeeding, most have an “age limit” that they believe is appropriate to stop breastfeeding.  For some people that “age limit” is an actual age, and for some people it’s a milestone (for example, when the child learns to walk or to speak).  I’m curious as to where we come up with this “age limit”, since the variance between the U.S. and the rest of the world is so great.  Why are 56% of babies still breastfed at 2 years of age in the countries surveyed, when only 24% are still breastfed at 2 years of age in the U.S.?  A variance of 32% is a pretty big gap!

I’m interested to know if this gap is the result of mothers returning to the workplace, as I know that the U.S. typically has shorter maternity leave benefits than other countries.  Or, is it simply a cultural issue where mothers just feel judged if they continue to feed their children after the perceived “age limit” in the U.S., and it is just too tiring to justify to the inquiring minds why they breastfeed longer than that point?  Personally, I wasn’t sure how to respond to my boss when he asked how long I planned to breastfeed my child.  He let me know that, in his opinion, it was normal to be finished breastfeeding by the time a child turned a year old.  I thought that was interesting.

So, my question of the day is:  How long do you believe is too long to breastfeed a child, and why?

Signing off.

BKB

Camoflaged Boobies

My husband just sent me an article that made my nipples stand at attention… and perhaps they lactated a few tears of pride.

Again, it all started with a picture.  Is it just me, or are these recent breastfeeding photos causing a lot of ruckus?  As was the case with the TIME Magazine cover, I like the controversy.

http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/30/11955844-military-mom-proud-of-breast-feeding-in-uniform-despite-criticism?lite

In a nutshell, some women on a military base are coming under figurative fire for breastfeeding in public in their military uniforms.  I could go in a thousand different directions with this one, but instead I would like to only point out two things I noticed in this article:

1)      "A lot of people are saying it's a disgrace to the uniform. They're comparing it to urinating and defecating [while in uniform]."  It seems like such a waste of time that every time soldiers need to poop or pee, they must remove their uniforms!  I remember in the movie Saving Private Ryan when that soldier had to pee, so he took off all his clothes and peed in an alley, but before he could get his uniform back on he was shot and killed.  Luckily he didn’t disgrace the uniform, though.

Guys, I am really not good at being sarcastic, but I feel like this concept warrants an ugly tone.  No, that Saving Private Ryan thing I just said never happened in the movie, and the reason it didn’t is because it’s just ludicrous.  Soldiers do urinate and defecate while in uniform, and it is likely that there are many situations where they have no choice but to do it in public!  Now, if they are being inappropriate in how they are behaving while they are performing normal bodily functions, that is another matter to be discussed.  I highly doubt the nursing mothers are trying to be inappropriate while breastfeeding (which is a normal bodily function, mind you).  Anyone who has breastfed knows that multi-tasking in an inappropriate way while breastfeeding is difficult and unlikely.

2)      “We are warfighting professionals. Women before us have worked too hard to earn and retain the respect of their male peers. I don’t want my Marines to look at me any other way than as a Marine.”  First of all, what happened to your motherly instinct?  That’s wonderful and much appreciated that you are a “war-fighting professional”, but why does that professional title mean that is it expected that you suppress the first and most basic natural instinct of a mother, which is to feed your child, and turn it into something that needs to be made more difficult and inconvenient and done in the shadows, out of fear of what SHALLOW MEN will think of you?  I am not a feminist, but I am a realist.  Lady, you seem to be worried about the opinions of the wrong men, and if that’s the case, I seriously question your ability to make adequate decisions in combat.  Have you considered that?  Have you considered that now you not only have many women giving you the stink-eye, but also the men who are actually respectful of women for who they are and not for their ability to become like Ken-Doll-crotched men?  I’m guessing no.

All that to say, my question of the day is this:  What uniform do you believe is ‘too sacred’ to be worn while breastfeeding? And why?

If anyone says the Hooters tank top, I’ll sic that war-fighting professional lady on ya.  I’m sure she’ll gladly take you down.

Signing off.

BKB

McDoubtful's Nuggets of Information

You are probably bored with all my talk about McDonald's after yesterday's post.  I think my mind being focused on McDonald's is a side-effect of eating the spur-of-the-moment 6 piece chicken nuggets on Saturday.  I have no regrets about eating the nuggets, but I am seeing a pattern to my behavior which I believe is nugget-related.

I was surprised to receive a prompt response from McDonald's regarding an inquiry I sent yesterday asking about the breastfeeding policy for mothers who need to pump:

Thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald's. We truly appreciate customer feedback and welcome the opportunity to share some information with you.

Approximately 85 percent of McDonald's restaurants are owned and operated by independent businesspeople. As independent owners, McDonald's franchise owners have the authority to make certain operating decisions as they relate to their McDonald's restaurant operations.

Again, thank you for contacting McDonald's. We hope to have the opportunity of serving you again soon under the Golden Arches.

Sara
McDonald's Customer Response Center

I don't know about you, but I thought something was missing... Then I realized that the missing piece was an answer to my question!  That is, Sara obviously forgot to answer my question!  I realize that this is McDonald's defense-mechanism and that the best policy for sensitive inquiries such as this is to give the most generic, automated response possible and move on.  Perhaps she shouldn't have mentioned that 85% of McDonald's restaurant owners are part of a franchise, because that means 15% of the restaurants are managed corporately (in which case, she should have had an answer to supply me).  Let's just do a little calculating based on the numbers we do know:  As of July 2010 there were an estimated 14,000 McDonald's restaurants in the United States. That means approximately 2,100 stores are managed corporately.  Assuming the restaurants are distributed evenly among the states, that is approximately 42 restaurants per state.  If each restaurant only employs 15 people, that is still a minimum of 630 people employed at McDonald's per state. I think it would be safe to assume that at least 10% of McDonald's employees are in their prime childbearing years (that means the remainder of the employees would need to be either male, or they would be women under 20 years old or over age 35), so that would be a minimum of 63 people per state, or 3150 nationally, who would benefit from having a "nursing room" provided by the McDonald's headquarters.  Remember:  Those numbers don't include 85% of McDonald's restaurants which are part of a franchise. 

I am being very conservative with these estimations. 

So what are the 21,000 women of childbearing age who work at McDonald's doing if they need to pump expressed breast milk at work?  Multiply this number across all fast food chains... no, across all businesses!  Do you even realize the numbers we are talking about or how important this is?  What would you do if there was no restroom at work?! 

So, my actual question is:  Why do you believe that designating a private room for nursing mothers at their jobs hasn't been made a priority in the United States?

***Note to McDonald's:  I am not lashing out at you (I happily enjoy your coffee, ice cream, and chicken nuggets as an occasional treat to myself!), but your numbers are just easily accessible and make a good example for my point.  No hard feelings?

Signing off.

BkB

Parking Lot Pumper

I just returned from my lunch break, which I spent hooked to a Medela breast pump in the front seat of my running car.  Why, you ask, didn’t I just use the Mothers’ Room that my employer has so graciously provided to me?  Because my power cord is MIA somewhere within a 20 mile radius, and I my boobs can’t wait on the results of the search party, so for the day I have to resort to Plan B: the car adapter. 

I really don’t mind pumping in the car.  Aside from cringing away from the man who has walked by my car 5 times on his heart-healthy lunch break, the accommodations are really quite comfortable:  leather seats, air conditioning, music, a cup holder with a cool drink at my fingertips.  What more could a lactating mother ask for? 

Well… since I mentioned it, how about accommodations half that luxurious for ALL lactating mothers?  I got to thinking about it, and it made me wonder what women who work at, say for example, McDonald’s do in a situation like this.  First of all, does  McDonald’s even have a nursing room?  And if they don’t, what do the mothers do who need to pump on their breaks during their shift? Do they have to go to their cars as well?  Where is the milk stored after they pump?  Hopefully they don’t have to leave it in the car until they leave for the day.  It just doesn’t seem like a good idea, if you ask me. 

My point is that I’m getting the feeling that breastfeeding “rights” may be made a priority more for women who work for white collar companies, as opposed to companies where the employees receive minimum wage.  I could be way off, but I’m just doing the math to figure out where exactly a nursing room would fit into the layout of the McDonald’s or Arby’s or Burger King building.  For the number of employees that occupy the back space, it doesn’t seem likely that there would be one private room (aside from a restroom) dedicated to employees who need to pump.  And if these mothers don’t have the proper accommodations, how are they able to breastfeed their children, if they so wish, for any extended length of time?  And if they aren’t able to breastfeed their children because their employer doesn’t allocate the basic necessities to them, how is that right?  I am not using the word “fair” because I realize that life isn’t fair… but I’m referring to right and wrong, not fairness. 

So that brings me to my one question:  If you are or know a breastfeeding mother who works at a fast food chain, are there proper accommodations for you to pump at work?  I appreciate any details you are willing to give!

Signing off.

BkB

That's "y'all's" Thing... But Here's My Opinion

 
One of my favorite things is when I can find out how someone really feels about something.  One example is when I got a very sweet and positive-spirited girl on the cross country team to say her first cuss word.  I wasn't necessarily pleased that I "caused her to sin" (as I'm sure some people would consider it that way), but I was happy that she let her guard down for a moment and expressed an otherwise buried emotion.  Her saying that cuss word didn't make me judge her in a negative way, it just showed me that people are more complex than we give them credit for being.  And if she had the ability to say the word, she had to have first had the thought.  

That example brings me to my second example which is my actual point:  Yesterday I had a discussion with a couple of male work associates about breastfeeding.  One of them prefaced the conversation with the "that's y'alls thing/business", and I thought that was the end of it.  Then... the flood gates opened and it turned out he actually had an opinion on the matter!  Not only did he have an opinion, but he had very specific parameters regarding certain subtopics on breastfeeding.  Regardless of whether I actually agreed on his stance, I was elated he had an opinion!  Where did this come from?  I know his wife breastfed her children for a while, but how did he go from the "talk to the hand/that's y'all's thing" gesture to "I think it's strange when children are old enough to ask for a drink [from the breast]"? 

My point is that even though many people (male and female alike) claim they don't have an opinion and don't feel like it is their place to discuss breastfeeding, they do actually have an opinion, if only on a subconscious level.  Breastfeeding women aren't the only people who are affected by breastfeeding, but rather everyone is impacted by breastfeeding.  Even if no one ever saw a breastfeeding mother in public (for example, and heaven forbid, if mothers were only allowed to breastfeed behind closed doors), breastfeeding would still impact everyone, regardless of gender or whether or not someone has children. 

Another thing I did yesterday was send my blog to a targeted group of friends.  To further elaborate on my previous point, one of my friends responded to my blog with very in-depth and passionate thoughts on breastfeeding and various topics stemming from breastfeeding.  I read her response, and then wrote back to her that I was going to take time later and dissect her points one by one when I had more time.  To that I received a frantic phone call from her telling me that she was so sorry for how she responded, and that if she had known it was my blog, she would not have responded the way she did. That gave me a good laugh because it showed me that men and women will both cater the details of their opinion to their audience.  I told her that I couldn't think of one thing she said that offended me, even if I didn't necessarily agree on everything, and that I'm glad she responded the way she did.  I really appreciated all she had to say, even more than she knew, because I could tell that she was very thoughtful on the subject, and that everything she said came out of the goodness in her heart.

Now for the question of the day:  Who do you think should be the ones to decide how employers accommodate breastfeeding mothers?  This is very open-ended, and I intended it that way because I'm really interested in your answers-- especially the ones that are out-of-the-box.

To Jennifer:  In response to your comment to my post from yesterday, THANK YOU.  I agree that we don't need another mother fight.  I do, however, think that certain issues need a good amount of friendly dialogue in order to make a positive impact on the future.  The awesome thing I think the cover of TIME Magazine accomplished is that it made people read the article about attachment parenting.  My blog is about breastfeeding, and the cover of TIME Magazine showed a breastfeeding woman, and that is why I focused on the cover of the magazine, and not the content of the article.  I hope this comes across as a clarification and not a rebuttal!  

Signing off.

BkB

It's About Time (Magazine)

I read a blog post yesterday written by Jason Good.  The post was his take on the recent TIME Magazine cover of the spandex-clad mother nursing her young camo-clad child who is standing on a chair.  I had heard about the cover, but up to that point I hadn't seen it for myself.  Jason's blog prompted me to Google the magazine cover.  (I liked Jason's perspective, by the way)  In my mind the magazine cover would have perhaps a shadowy profile of the woman's face with her baby tenderly nursing close to her, and the baby's face wouldn't be very visible, either.  So, as you can imagine when I saw this cover the shock value was pretty high!  And... I LOVED IT!!!

Regardless of all the reasons why I loved this cover, the main reason is because creates a conversation about breastfeeding.  For attempting to be such a progressive country, we are very behind with regard to the very first human need:  feeding our children. 

I am not a member of La Leche League, but I do empathize with their mission, which is "to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother."  I believe that many of us shy away from the subject because we are unsure of where "the line" is for appropriateness.  I'll say this:  you are the only one who knows your own intentions.  However, some people want others to believe they have good intentions, but their regular behavior says otherwise.  If you are a person who truly has good intentions, that will be evident, and people won't feel as uncomfortable having conversations with you that can be awkward at times.  It's kind of like going to visit the "lady doctor".  I wouldn't feel comfortable if Howard Stern was my gynecologist because he just seems inappropriate.  Now, I don't truly know his intentions, because I'm not living in his brain, but I do know the way he behaves on his show and I just wouldn't trust him anywhere near my vulnerable naked lower-half.  At the same time, I have a male doctor (who is a fabulous doctor!), and I feel that he is not a weirdo and that this is just his job to him. 

All that to ask the question:  What do you believe to be the intentions of the mother on the cover of the recent TIME Magazine? My best friend and I had a conversation about it yesterday, and she brought up some good points.  I think I brought up some good points, too, but that's just my opinion and neither here nor there.

Signing off.

BkB


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jason-good/dad-opinion-time-cover_b_1510352.html?ref=comedy&ir=Comedy

Deep Breaths

Oh my gosh... am I actually doing this?  It seems like only yesterday that I sat next to a work associate and giggled about how I would never blog.... be a blogger... be a blogger... a blogger is as a blogger blogs, right?  The reason it seems like only yesterday is because it actually was only yesterday that I said I would never blog.  And look at me now.  I am a blogger!  It's probably not a good idea to say "never".  (Do you like how I avoided saying "Never say never"?!)

You can ignore that whole first paragraph because the reason it is so jittery is because that is the language of my fingers right now.  I am so nervous.  I have no problem talking (in front of people or out loud to myself when it's warranted) or emailing (yes, I've been that person who accidentally 'replied all'... sorry mother-in-law).  The thing I like about talking or emailing is that I can be selective about who hears/reads it.  But I don't know YOU.  Or YOU.  I don't even know what you could have Googled to find my blog.  It is a huge mystery to me!!!  But one thing I do know is that this is a medium for connection.  You are searching for something (that is why you used Google to begin with... it's a search engine!), and I am searching for something, and that is where we connect.  Initially, anyway.  After that the possibilities are endless.

So you are wondering what this blog is about, aren't you?  You're sitting on the edge of your seat because it looks like just a bunch of random ramblings from a Jello-jiggly-like virtual character.  But you're thinking there must be some substance to all this beating around the bush.  You're hoping there is some substance, anyway.

Well to start with, I'm going to just put this one question out there:  What do you think about breastfeeding?  Perhaps you don't think about it.  Perhaps you weren't breastfed, or you don't even know if you were.  Perhaps you never considered where your first meals came from outside the womb.  Perhaps a woman breastfeeding in a mall or restaurant or in the restroom stall next to you has never prompted one single synapse to fire off in your brain.  If you have never considered it, I am not judging you.  But now that I've planted the seed in your mind, conscious or not, you've formed an opinion.  Now, I challenge you to really think about it and tell me what you think...

That was exhausting.  Signing off. 

BkB